I Sometimes Wonder...

...What little kids think about when their parents are scolding them.
...When I see an older couple holding hands if that will be me someday.
...What my children will remember about their lives growing up.
...If someone just out of the blue thinks "That reminds me of Kim!"
...If it ever gets any easier.
...Why people who seem to have a strong faith core seem happier than others.
...How I got here and is this it?
...If I'll ever be able to put myself first.
...Who comes up with some of the gadgets hanging on the wall at Bed Bath & Beyond?
...Are you still out there Slickster?

I Would Never Leave You Dear Internet

Update

Hi dear internets.
I figured since I've had nothing to tell you I shouldn't waste your time and ramble, but today I have news....

Dan went to surgery this morning and he did well. They found that he had ruptured a disc and it fused to his spine-that was causing all the pain and inflammation. He is resting comfortably at the hospital and will be coming home in two days. The next six weeks are going to be quiet....

Abbie's dental dilemma is underway to being resolved. She's excited and I'm excited for her. I can't wait to see her new smile.

My aunt is still in the rehab. facility, but up and moving around. The docs think she'll be home within the month.

Everything else is what it is. That's my new favorite expression/saying. "It is what it is..."

That's really about it. Tonight I'll finally get some rest since I won't be up every hour and a half taking care of Dan. I think I'm going to need my rest these next two days, because once he comes home it'll be back to sleepless nights.

I hope you've been well dear internet. I've still been reading but not always commenting-Like my mom always says "Sometimes its better to be seen and not heard." G'nite out there and thank you for the positive thoughts and prayers.

Quieting The Voices

I don't know when I became the type of person who worried so much. Maybe it was when I delivered Adam and it just got worse after I had Abs, I'm not sure. All I know is that there are a lot of things happening in and around my life that are causing me a lot of worry and stress and I think it's why my sleep is nonexistent.

Dan is still limping around-he seems to go two steps forward in getting back to his old flumpy self playing and shaking his tail, then there will be moments like tonight all I will hear is a yelp and he'll be standing there like Eeyore with his head down. I called the vet and they up'ed his medicine (again) and told me it could take up to six weeks for his back to heal. How do you keep a dog down for six weeks? Maggie is beside herself. She will just walk around him and whine wanting him to play. So for now, I sleep on the couch with Dan and watch and listen for his every move.

Adam and Abbie's birthday's are coming up within the month and although Adam isn't asking for anything Abbie is (secretly) wanting a big sweet sixteen birthday party. The only thing is if you remember last year Abbie got hurt. Since having root canals her teeth have started to discolor. (I will catch her covering her mouth lately so no one sees her teeth...it breaks my heart when I see her do that) and to top it off, I feel bad because when Adam turned sixteen we bought him a car. It's either a car, her teeth or a party...Unfortunately for Abs, I have to do what's best for her and new chicklets are in order.

My aunt is doing much better, but my mom worries so much that she (my aunt) is just going to up and die like my other aunt did last week so she calls me and wants to know what I think about everything the doctor is doing. She'll call me when the doctor is in the room with my aunt and make me talk to him and then reassure her he's doing the right thing (as if I know?!?) and I find myself mothering my mom.

My niece is going through things I can't even begin to understand. So much has happened in that girls life all because her mom (my twin) seems to have lost her mind. I don't even know where to begin to help her but someone needs to. I took her to dinner tonight just to talk to her and she's so sad. Sad like empty. I don't know how to fix her without killing my sister in the process.

Thankfully life at home with my own family (Jamie and the kids) is great. Jamie's job interview went really well yesterday-"knocked the bottom out of it" is what the text message said...hopefully we'll hear something soon.

I know that I am blessed...I have healthy children in a home that is filled with love, but it's everything else up there that is swirling around in my head that seems to keep me awake at night. Last night I got three hours of sleep and the night before about the same. I need to quiet the voices (as Booster says) and so that's my plan. Blogging will take a backseat...because everything else is more important. So if you don't see me it's because I am taking care of business and helping those I care about most heal. By no means am I trying to play the part of martyr or whatever, I'm just looking for a way to get a few hours of sleep and quiet those voices in my head.

Clearing Thoughts and Making Room

A few months ago I was given the Twilight series to read. I didn't have the time to read them so they went back to their rightful owner. Today Abbie talked me into watching the movie. I fear this will be like Lord of The Rings and Harry Potter--I'm be anxiously awaiting the follow up movie(s).

I don't understand Twittering. All I'm gonna say about that. (I get it, I just don't get 'it'.)

Took Adam shopping this weekend for his tux for prom. The whole night he kept saying "Are you sad that your baby boy is growing up?" He knows I'm already having a difficult time coming to grips with these "milestones" (of sorts)...he can be such a brat, but oh does he look handsome.

I'm (still) not sleeping at night. When I put my head on the pillow I'm out, then about an hour later I am awake and my head will be spinning with all these random thoughts. I'll lay there, toss and turn then fall asleep again then wake up two hours later. Move from the bed to the couch and wake up almost hourly. I've tried taking a warm bath, drinking decaf. tea, reading and even taking sleep aids-nothing is working and it's starting to take it's toll. I'm exhausted. Any suggestions or remedies would be appreciated.

I ate a Reese's Peanut Butter egg today. It wasn't as good as I remembered. I passed on the Cadbury Egg and thought I would keep our special relationship intact and not tarnish it by eating one.

I hate when that happens.